Tuesday, 7 May 2013

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Okay, now you've had a fairy tale wedding, everyone was present and happy and the band was excellent. The food was exquisite and the whole show of doom went without a hitch.You have been looking forward to enjoying your marital bliss for the rest of your life but unfortunately you discover that you are stuck with these kinds of husbands. If you were in the least sensitive , you would have seen all the early  signs that the relationship was doomed from the start, but you ignorantly gave yourself the benefit of the doubt, based on some dumbed down story your grand mother told you. It’s time for a rain check, when you have to slip in Miranda Lambert's broken heart and figure out exactly what next to do  with your life, if you are in a relationship with these kinds of husbands. The irony about these kinds of husbands is that based on research, they are the ones ladies love to be with, nice guys mostly finish last. Ladies are usually turned on by impulsivity, extroversion,  callousness , narcissim and apathy when they come in small doses according to Peter Jonason.


These kinds of husbands are on a journey and no one is coming along with them. They are like action heros in action movies picking up girls at gas stations. They perch awhile and then hit the road. Your whole marriage is a five- ten year stand as against a one night stand and then he would be on to the next one. He would want to get another job, move to another part of town, change his name, acquire some form of mid-life crisis and generally metamorphose into another being. The early signs usually abound. Yesterday he wanted to run the marathon, today he wants to go to medical school, tomorrow he is off to the military with interest in bounty hunting. The girls also come in handy at all point of indecision. If you are ready to live your life running away from yourself then hitch up a ride with this kind of husband. Otherwise, let him hit the road, take his fast car and keep on driving.
8 kinds of husband,
Look into his eyes and you can tell he is never coming back


These kinds of husbands are like public toilets, they take the neighbour’s wife to get her groceries, they give all their time to other women. Everybody calls them up to use them, they give the best advice to other people but they never seem to practice what they preach. There is nothing bad in being available for the community but when it is done to the detriment of his immediate family, then there is a problem.  The early signs are always there, cancelling a date because he has volunteered to look after his boss’s kids, never giving anyone close to him priority but living for outsiders. This kind of husband has to hit the road, you are better off being an outsider to this kind of husband than being the one who notice him change to somebody else around everyone else.
8 kinds of husband,
Always willing to lend a hand when the same hand is needed at home


This kind of husband is the type that would save you in a fire when the firemen have given up on you only for you to discover the fire was originally caused by people he had scores to settle with. He loves you with the little piece of his heart that he has left but  being in his life is like being on a battlefield in  love and war, making love on landmines. You need this kind of husband in small doses or you might die of an overdose. The only time you would feel  safe and be at peace is when you know where he actually is - in a box down the river. The premarital signs were obvious but you somehow closed your eyes to the fear in his eyes, the fact that  you never accurately knew where he was or where he was going. The fact that you felt some things were guy stuff and that it should be out of bounds to ladies. The many complexities and unanswered questions. The good thing about this kind of husband is that when he hits the road , he might leave behind a stash  of cash.
8 kinds of husband,
This guy is my boyfriend and he is missing, he was last seen at the gas station
picking up a hitchhiker.


 This kind of husband is an abuser, he disrespects everyone and then you. He is violent, abusive both physically, emotionally, verbally and what not. He sees his partner as a subordinate whose existence is at his mercies. The early signs where the tantrums and fights he threw constantly which seemed to exclude you until it did. This is the kind of man that is so nice to you yet so obnoxious and rude to the waiter, the driver, the plumber or the milkman.This kind of husband might not hit the road until your body is in a thrash bag, especially if he is alcoholic, so in most cases it is advised to hit the road on his behalf.
8 kinds of husband,
Just Hit the road or Hit the megaphone.


This kind of husband may be good in bed, thanks to the tons upon tons of pornographic materials he has consumed that has wired his mind to be a sex machine and nothing else. He knows how to take you to cloud 9 but then he leaves you there, when the bills are unpaid, the plumbing is undone and communication is completely zero. He is more interested in sliding in through the “back door”, than actually changing the broken knob on the front door of the house and bringing another one with him for a threesome. This kind of husband soon leaves you high and dry. He is more of a booty call, than a husband.Your goals are intimidating to him and he finds your drive and motivation to life disturbing.You are constantly burdened with the thought of letting go of your goals and ambition to be with him. This kind of husband should hit the road and pick the change on the shelf outside while he is at it. Keep his number though, sometimes he might just be the only one to call when the weather gets cold.
8 kinds of husband,
Of course, he would do it again.


This kind of husband is in it for something, that is completely selfish and narcissistic . A job , a business deal, a bed space, a hot bath . There is a name for them , gold diggers. In some cases, they may not be literally digging for financial gain but much more. If you are in the market for a kept man then why not ? but if you want the good ole traditional marriage that our grandparents had, then the parasite has to walk.
8 kinds of husband,

7. BABY: 

This kind of husband seems to have had his growth and maturity process short circuited by something we all never seem to understand. His partner feels more like his parent than his spouse. Spouses of these kinds of husbands always feel like they are married to themselves and are all by themselves, as they literally have to hold the sword while their sissy little man fumbles with the torch. These kinds of husbands are usually stingy , needy and obnoxious and in some cases seem to be mummy’s boy who never grew up to grow a pair. You should have seen the signs when his mama took over the whole wedding preparation but you were too blind to see beyond your nose. This kind of husband needs to hit the road to summer camp until he learns where the wild things are.
8 kinds of husband,
Say hello to my baby daddy, it's 1 pm in the afternoon by the way.


This  kind of husband always likes to get things fixed, even when they are not broken. He seems to enjoy the double life, he really doesn't know what he wants and thinks on the short term. You should have seen the early signs in his eyes. You won the battle over so many others to get him to put a ring on it and thought you can immediately retire and enjoy your marital bliss only to discover that you haven’t begun to contend in the war. This kind of husband should hit the road and not come back.

Another kind of cheater is the husband who cheats on  you with the same sex. 
. If your husband just left and he falls in this category then he probably read this blog , if he doesn't fall in any of these categories then you have to go get him.However if you think he needs to hit the road,you wouldn't be wise enough to base your decisions on something you read on a blog without further reading. The only thing dumber than making a hasty decision is making no decision at all.

8 kinds of husband,